Courtship the Filipino Way: Why Dating Isn’t Just Dating
Published April 25, 2025
Courtship the Filipino Way: Why Dating Isn’t Just Dating
In many parts of the world—like the U.S.—dating is a casual step before exclusivity. People go out, spend time together, maybe become intimate, and see where things go. But in traditional Filipino culture, that whole timeline works a little differently.
In the Philippines, you don’t just “date” someone. You court them. And yes, there’s a word for it: Ligaw.
What is Ligaw?
Ligaw is the traditional Filipino courtship process, and it’s a lot more involved than just grabbing dinner and a movie. Before two people become a couple, there’s an entire phase dedicated to showing intent, proving sincerity, and winning over not just the person you’re interested in—but often, their whole family too.
In some modern areas of the Philippines, especially in big cities, Western-style dating is more common. But in many places, ligaw is still very much alive.
How Ligaw Works
So, how does traditional ligaw work? It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation, but there are a few classic steps that paint the picture pretty clearly:
1. Harana (Serenade)
Once upon a time, a Filipino man would literally sing his feelings outside a woman’s house.
Yes, serenading was a real thing—and not just in cheesy romantic movies. Often, he’d bring his friends along as backup singers or just for moral support. Music is a big part of Filipino culture, and this gesture was seen as heartfelt, brave, and romantic.
2. Dalaw (House Visits)
The next step: visiting the woman’s home—usually in the evening. This isn’t a casual hangout. The man presents himself formally, expresses his intentions, and most importantly, makes himself known to the family. Privacy? Not much of it. You’re almost never left alone with the woman—chaperones are common, and the presence of family is expected.
3. Pasalubong (Gifts)
When dropping by for a dalao, it’s customary to bring gifts—not extravagant ones, but thoughtful tokens of appreciation. The gesture shows respect and seriousness. It’s a way of saying, “I’m not just here for your daughter—I value your family too.”
4. Pakipot (Playing Hard to Get)
In this dance of courtship, the woman is traditionally expected to be pakipot, or to play hard to get. This isn’t about being coy for the sake of drama—it’s considered a proper way for a woman to uphold her dignity and encourage genuine effort from the suitor. In other words: if you want her heart, you’ll need to work for it.
Courtship Can Take Time
Some courtships last for months. Others stretch on for years. The timeline depends on how determined the suitor is—and how much patience he has.
Even when the couple finally starts “dating,” they’re rarely alone.
Chaperones are still common, and personal time is limited. Alone time? That usually comes after marriage.
Dating vs. Courting: A Cultural Reminder
In the Philippines, love isn’t just a spontaneous spark. It’s a process—one rooted in family values, respect, and effort. Ligaw is more than just tradition; it’s a reminder that relationships are worth the time and dedication.
So no, you can’t just swipe right and go on a date. Not in the traditional sense. In Filipino culture, you court, you prove yourself, and you earn your place in someone’s life—and heart.
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